Let me start off by saying I am so humbled by all of the support I have been receiving lately. You guys are helping me so much. I promised to always be honest and upfront so here it goes. My medication dosage has been lowered and I have been feeling extremely low this past week. The thoughts I never want to come true are returning, seeping into my bones like a winter chill. I will have good moments with true happiness, but others with utter, raw sorrow for little to no reason. I picture myself as a raw wound, some days I feel I am healing cleanly, and others I feel as if someone has rubbed salt directly on my soul. This is the only way to describe it.
People always describe self-love as the best sensation in the entire world. Quotes immortalize its importance and Ted Talks stress it vitality to living well. How do I achieve self-love? I ask myself. When will I love myself like everyone else loves themselves? Am I the only one with self depricating thoughts? Why do people see me one way when I see myself completely differently?
These are common battles I have within myself as I battle daily Depression and Anxiety. My main problem is that when someone tells me that I am beautiful, inside and out, I tend to not believe them because they are close to me and inclined to say so. They don’t actually think that…they just have to say that. It is so stifling and suffocating to the relationships I have with those I love. I understand that as you are healing from mental illnesses, you tend to discover more and more about yourself and become more at peace with your soul. Is this the last step to healing or will this come soon to me as well? I think it will never come sometimes. Is seeing yourself as beautiful, inside and out, only part of the equation to self-love or is it the overall key to happiness? I’m not sure if anyone can tell me the answer or if this will be a journey of self discovery.
I am feeling the sparks of it deep inside as I receive positive messages from those who I have never met before. I think I am finding my purpose, my soul feeling more and more useful each and every day. The best compliment I have gotten lately is that I have made a difference in someone’s life. This lifts me face to the clouds like nothing else! I may not think I am beautiful, talented or exciting, but I HAVE IMPACTED… what better accomplishment can I achieve than this? I strive for this each day now and finding little pieces of myself along the pathway. The best advice I can give from all of these scattered thoughts is take it DAY by DAY. Don’t bite off more than you can chew! Nothing causes anxiety more than that seriously! Sometimes I have to step back and rearrange the goals for the day so that I don’t overwhelm myself. The best thing to keep in mind is that Depression and Anxiety isn’t a life sentence, it is a period in your life that you will be able to overcome. Don’t ever lose sight of the light in the forest, visit your “happy place” and find daily happiness. I’ll tell you something, I LOVE animals and my daily happiness is every time I see a furry coat and little squatty legs with a fluffy tail. What’s happier than that! To all those reading, I say we have a Depression/ Anxiety meet up where everyone just brings their animals and we drink coffee and love life. Who’s in?
I will be on vacation from this day to August 17th in Hawaii! Woo! That being said, those who have just ordered bracelets, please give me some time to relax and I will get right on it when I return! I have also been receiving many inspiring stories from others who wish to speak their truth on the website and would like to open this opportunity up to anyone else! I would be more than happy to feature your post and pictures on the website, please just email it to me at: breeanneblatchford@gmail.com. You can talk about anything, your family, your experiences, what makes you happy! To me, I strive for this to be a two way conversation. Keep your heads up, my loves. There are only good days from here on out!
P.S. Wanna find some daily happiness, GoPros in the pool mean endless fun. ;)