As I begin to open up to everyone who’s listening, I continue to make new connections and friends with individuals who are feeling the same exact way that I do. This is absolutely refreshing to hear that I am not alone in my struggle with Depression and Anxiety, although I would not wish these illnesses on anyone. A now dear friend of mine was talking to me about different types of treatment that have helped her in the past and certain exercises I can try myself to heal. She suggested that I FORGIVE everyone who has ever made their way into my mind in a negative way and ended up vacationing in there for a while.
“That’s impossible,” I told her, “the reason I am believed to be suffering from Anxiety, and in turn, Depression, is because of a person I can’t seem to forgive”. He was my boyfriend for a year in High School and, let me tell you, he had been negatively vacationing in my mind since then. I have not been able to forget his misdoings nor have I ever even considered forgiving him. This could partially be due to the fact that he still continues to reach out to me, regardless of my expressed wishes for him not to do so. It could also be due to the fact that he was emotionally abusive, mentally manipulative, and cheated on me multiple times.
How could I ever forgive someone so negative from my past if he was still making his way into my present and tormenting me just as much as he did during our relationship? How could I forget when he hadn’t even given me a chance to?
As part of my healing from Depression and Anxiety I am doing just that. I CHOOSE to forgive the boy who tried his best to break me. I also CHOOSE not to forget, because the experiences from my past have molded me into the human being I am today. He taught me, through his misdoings, that I deserve better, that I deserve to be told how loved I am every day, that I deserve to be treated kindly by my loved ones, and most importantly that I am WORTHY of anything and everything I desire to do or have in my life. He might have made me feel unworthy at the time, but now I realize the importance of internal self-worth and being reminded of it on a daily basis. I feel that simply by putting it out there mentally that you are choosing to do something, such as forgive, the impossible will seem to become more and more possible every day. Realizations made, and sometimes induced by other people, are the most important and potent fuel on the road to recovery. If you think you are alone in your Depression, now you know you are not. Use that knowledge to your advantage in order to gain tips, exercises, and tactics to help you heal yourself. Set your mind to it and DO IT. I believe in you, and so does the rest of the Depression/Anxiety community. One story of success inspires many. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help because there is strength in numbers and even one friend who understands can help.
Without the steps taken in my past, I would have never been able to fully appreciate the absolute beauty of the healthy, loving, full-functioning partnership I am in now. I will spend the rest of my life with the man who saved me from the boy from High School. The man who strengthens, supports, and adores me every single day. He NEVER forgets to let me know how loved I am or how worthy I am of having such large dreams. I can’t wait to have his children and remind them every day how special their father is and that their self-worth is more important than anything else. I love you. I cherish you. I admire you. I adore you.
Thank you for helping me on this journey and standing by my side for the past 6 years. There will never be anyone like you, my darling dear.