Hey guess what! I'm back! I apologize for the slight absence in the world, as you might know I just started grad school back up again and it is my LAST SEMESTER EVER! Woo! This means that I am in the middle of crafting my Thesis to be presented in December before graduation. It also means that I have class and internship duties every day of the week/weekend so if I am MIA for a while that is why! I apologize in advance.
Anyways, I have been itching to write again as it is a very soothing and releasing activity for me. I have thinking about what the hell I want to discuss and one day the topic hit me like the "SLAP" face on the Snapchat update. If you don't know what that is, you are saving yourself hours of embarrassment as I cannot stop making distorted faces to make the update work for me. Haha. Seriously, don't investigate, it takes up your life.
News flash: I have a prominent nose on my little face. You can try to deny or ignore it to make me feel better about myself, but I know and I have learned to embrace it.
After all, this nose has been passed down by generations of Lebanese family members before me, including my father and grandmother. I LOVE my nose because it is a reminder of my heritage of which I am so proud, and it brands me as part of a family of which I am also very proud. That doesn't meant that I haven't had issues in the past with accepting this big part of me. I was bullied in school, which I have mentioned before, and a comment about my nose was usually the first biting offense hurled my way. One boy tried to make it sound like he was just helping me out by admitting it to me, staring down at me the entire time with menacingly malice-filled eyes.
I had been bullied into thinking that I was defective and over the years that way of thinking had started to seep deep into my bones becoming a cancer that I couldn't rid myself of. Especially in this world of instantaneous plastic surgery fixes and "perfect people", I thought I stood out almost as much as my nose did. I grew more and more self conscious of my nose, even refusing to pose for pictures in certain lights or standing in profile. I remember my biggest challenge of my non-successful, short-lived acting career was going into auditions and having to show the casting directors my side profiles. Even thinking about it now brings up pain from the past. That's what these petty bullies didn't understand....one comment can actually cause pain for years and years to come. Those who are bullied harbor these comments in their mind like angry little bees buzzing in a mental swarm. Sometimes there are moments when these horrific memories are brought back to the surface and they start stinging again, with more ferocity than the initial comment itself. Insecurities have directed my life for far too long and I am choosing to let go of them in order to life a more fulfilled, technicolor life.
Little did I realize, everyone has something about themselves that they feel insecure about. I believe that this is a product of our generational social climate fueled by manufactured girls like the Kardashians. The reality is that, sure one can go to the plastic surgeon and get all of those insecurities "fixed", however it doesn't really treat the root of the problem. You're only really changing the outside, not the inside as well. I think our focus should not be to "easy fix" our insecurities, but to work through them with focus on kind comments from others and acts of self love. We tend to focus on the one negative comment and forget all of the good ones and this is toxic to happiness. I pledge to do less of this and truly hold on to and savor all of the nice comments. I also am trying to do more acts of love for myself, like thinking of the parts of me that I do cherish! Not only do I have a beautiful, strong jawline, but I am also very compassionate and kind. To me, this already puts me ahead of those who have attempted to put me down in the past.
Depression and Anxiety can cause you to not believe any of the good comments being said to you, which makes self confidence and self love a lot more difficult. I have to work VERY hard to combat those thoughts that "oh she has to compliment me because she's my friend" or "he's my boyfriend so it doesn't count". There is nothing more hurtful than to tell someone that their opinions don't matter because they are positive about me. How messed up is that?!
This is the common thought process for those who are Depressive and Anxious and it is a daily struggle to feel accepted, loved, beautiful and everything else. I think that by recognizing the problem in general and knowing what you wish to work on it, you are already on the right path.
Tell yourself that you wish to overcome your insecurities with self love, and attempt to accept flattery instead of immediately dismissing it. You are not vain by agreeing with that person, I promise. "I KNOW I look fab, thanks for noticing!" I promise you will be living a happier life once you start to accomplish those goals. Then one day, you will start to embrace every part of you instead of seeing it as an 'insecurity' or 'flaw'.
This is Bree and her BIG, Beautiful Nose signing out. Remember to Keep Your Heads Up, My Loves. P.S. I'm now obsessed with my nose because I pierced it so go ahead people, try to ignore it now! ;)