The Orange Bead Collection

I’m broken. There is no direct origin to the time or reason as to why I am like this, it just showed up one day. The cracks slowly creeped into my soul, spreading like a disease to the different parts of my body, making me feel weak and exhausted. My heart has been slowly constricted by the most painful ropes, tightening each and every day so hard that it makes me clutch my chest in vain. It’s a breathlessness feeling, with a gnawing, persistent nature that eventually drives you to tears. Frustrated, ANGRY, pissed off, confused, hurt, sorrow-filled tears. They...

I know. I haven't written in QUITE a while. I am not really able to offer any other explanation than Depression itself. Those who suffer know what it’s incredibly easy to slip back into the darkness, all too easy. Depression is like one of those hugeeee tunnel waterslides at a theme park, snaking through the sky like a menacing, artificial python. You look up at the waterslide, standing stories up in the summer sun and promise yourself that you will NEVER ride that one ever. Even the sight of it causes goosebumps to pebble up on your arms and you...

The thing I find that I deal with most, inside my own mind that is, on a daily basis is guilt. Feeling guilty is one of the natural affects of struggling with Depression and Anxiety, however that’s just the point. I STRUGGLE with it. Every second my guilt claws onto my brain stem like a grotesque, ink-colored mucus and slowly climbs into my brain to fester there for a while. So many negative emotions tend to take leisurely vacations in my brain now-a-days. The circumstances that ignite this guilt as if it were a reckless explosive device about to splatter...

Sometimes, I write. And some weeks, I hours without thinking a single thought that could translate to paper. Today, however, I am inspired by something that I saw on Facebook. It was an article with an array of very truthful empathy cards and one of them made me tear up instantly. I cant explain why, maybe because I know exactly how the person who would receive that card feels, or because it makes me feel that I am not alone in this sentiment.    The card read “You’re not a burden. You’re a human”.    For most of my life,...

I hope you don't think differently of me. I hope this doesn't make you avoid me when you see me out in public because you don't know what to say. That this doesn't make you shrink away from your glowing screen as if you had just watched a scary movie, sweating in silent terror. Just remember, I am still me. And I am still here. Quite frankly, I don't really mind if this does make you think differently of me…because I can handle that. I can handle the awkward stares and blatant avoidance this may induce out of pity and...